No fingers should be pulled on a first date, ever.

To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question; at least on a first date it is. First dates may just be the most painful experience a person has to live through, with a smile never the less. And not only do we have to live through it once or twice, but typically, many, many, many painful times — for those of us who don't possess the perfection of Julia Roberts or the cute butt of Benjamin Bratt that is. There are just too many things to think about on a first date. What do you wear? What do you talk about? Where do you go to eat? Do you compliment him on his too short, too plaid tie? And the end all be all, do you let your date kiss you at the end of the night or do the duck and weave? How is anyone supposed to relax with so much to contemplate? So, in an effort to help all you poor, plagued people who are about to embark on yet another first date, I am here to offer you "dating tips for dummies."

I am hardly an expert in any area, let alone dating. But I do think there are some simple rules that too many people just forget about on a date. While it's much easier for me to preach about what men don't do right on a first date, these tips apply to both guys and gals. First things first, remember what your momma
taught you. Chivalry may not be dead, but it is definitely missing in action. I'm not sure who it was that decided that women's lib meant you no longer needed to treat a lady like a lady, but that's a bunch of bull. Being an independent woman hardly means you don't want to be shown a little courtesy. So, guys, remember to open doors, pull out chairs and please, walk her to the door.

Next, is the topic of conversation. There are a million and two things to talk about on a first date, and yet, so many people pick the deadly three topics: bodily functions, exgirlfriends/boyfriends and me, me, me. Bodily functions are not an appropriate icebreaker. I know this is a bit gender biased, but guys you tend to be the offender here. No woman wants to know about the giant bowl of chili you ate
last night that is doing a number on your stomach today. No woman wants to hear about how you can belch the entire alphabet frontward and back. And no woman wants to be exposed to the phenomenon of your oh so original, "pull my finger" trick, especially on a first date. Talking about your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend is the kiss of death. While you are babbling on and on about what a horrible person he or she is, your date is probably wondering what kind of person stays with such a horrible person and why they are there with you tonight. And if they aren't, they are without a doubt extremely annoyed at the fact that you have called her Sue all night when her name is actually Jane. And what is possibly wor.se than all of the above is talking about nothing but yourself. Sure, it's important for the person to get to know you. And sure, you have probably conquered the world of computer programming faster than any undergraduate student in history; but it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to know about it. Ask your date about them, what they like to do, what they do for a living and let them ask you questions in return. It's kind of like a tennis match, the ball bounces from one court to the other...two bounces in one court forfeits your turn. First dates are painful; there is no changing that. It's been that way for i,ooo years and probably won't be getting any better any time soon. But, there are ways to make it easier; just use your head, a little common sense goes a long way.