Forgive Charles Walsh if he's a little slow to join in the rounds of speed dating going on around him. Not only has the 55-year-old
divorced father never tried speed dating - he hasn't been out at night except for work events in about a decade. "I was married for 20
years, and now I'm nervous," said Walsh, who preferred to sip a Bud Light at the bar and watch as more than 50 older
adults in this beachside town tried speed dating. It is a process in which men and women are paired for a few minutes of get-to-know-you
chat before switching partners. Forget boring dinner parties. Older Americans looking for love have taken a cue from young urban singles
and are flocking to speed-dating events and online personals sites. Match.com, a popular dating Web site, says registrations among people
50 and older have soared 340 percent since 2000. The American Association of Retired Persons now has a dating advice column in its member
magazine. On Maryland's Eastern Shore, where the roads are dotted with ads for new retirement communities, the changing senior dating
scene is evident. The speed-dating event Walsh attended was put on by Mingling Singles, a group that's tripled its membership since its
creation just two months ago. Another group near Ocean City, Beach Singles, has 150 members, all 45 and older, with a new chapter planned
in nearby Salisbury. The Merry Widows and Widowers Social Club also operates in Ocean City. "The seniors are pouring down here," said Lois
West, 71, secretary of . Beach Singles. "They move here for the beach, but then they don't know anybody." "We're much more active. A widow
in the olden days would sit inside and wear black. Today she's probably out dancing," West said. At the speed-dating event, some attendees
said their grown children pushed them to attend. Others said they were sick of tagging along with friends who are couples, or were just
tired of trying to find love in a bar. "As soon as my 31-year-old daughter heard about it, she was like, 'Oh Mom, you have to go,"' said
JoAnn Collinson, 52, a widow from Bishopville who said she's looking as much for companionship as romance. Rick Hosier, 56, retired to the
area after a career as a firefighter but admitted being a little scared to talk to single women. "I would've never thought I'd do this,"
he said before the lights flickered to signify the speed-dating would begin. "I just thought, it's something different. I'm not a bartype
person. I don't like crowds." The matchmaking industry is catching on to the dating interests o; .older adults. Some dating Web sites
now have special seniors-only areas Spark Networks, based in Los Angeles, started SilverSingles.com last year, and the site now has about
600,000 members. Seniors are more comfortable than they used to be with the Internet, am they're finding that online dating let; them take
their time choosing a possible mate, said Kathleen Roldan spokeswoman for San Francisco based Match.com.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
"Naked on the Page: The Misadventures of My Unmarried Midlife" (Viking Press)
In spite of the author's perpetual moaning, this is as addictive as a box of Valentine chocolates. Ganahl sets a brisk pace, describing her first year with the column and the avalanche of responses she reads compulsively, answering some, deleting many. Old boyfriends write to her, recognizing themselves. Friends alternately sympathize and beg
her to get it together. Ganahl's daughter is her touchstone, the friend she calls most dear and a remarkable young woman. Throughout the book, Ganahl is consumed with the idea of having a date for her 50th and finally makes plans with her unreliable, rock star paramour.
They meet, but once again he is absorbed in his own life and barely remembers it's her birthday. But this time sometiling clicks. The knight has fallen off his horse one too many times. In an ironic twist, Ganahl leaves him to sleep off his satiated state (of course they have sex first) and goes to the ball by herself. Well, not really by herself. She's surrounded by the people who really love her.
her to get it together. Ganahl's daughter is her touchstone, the friend she calls most dear and a remarkable young woman. Throughout the book, Ganahl is consumed with the idea of having a date for her 50th and finally makes plans with her unreliable, rock star paramour.
They meet, but once again he is absorbed in his own life and barely remembers it's her birthday. But this time sometiling clicks. The knight has fallen off his horse one too many times. In an ironic twist, Ganahl leaves him to sleep off his satiated state (of course they have sex first) and goes to the ball by herself. Well, not really by herself. She's surrounded by the people who really love her.
Midlife Dating
pithy, current, worldly, honest, tender and well-constructed. Check out "Hear That Wedding March Often Enough. You Fall in Step" by Larry Smith. This is the essay every woman who gives her boyfriend an ultimatum needs to read. It's a heartfelt love letter to the girl of Smith's dreams and the story of how they both realize (as in. no pressure) that they yearn to marry. Told by a man in an understated, romantic way. it's even more appealing. -Midlife dating When she's whining about not having a boyfriend, she sounds like a 2-year-old. When she's talking about her grownup daughter, mother-love radiates from the page. She is a curious combination of writer, feminist, horny adolescent, philosopher and single mom. She is Jane Ganahl of Half Moon Bay, former "Single-Minded" columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle and a literary version of a "Sex and the City" gal.
All Kinds of Love
Trust the New York Times to turn out quality fodder such as its weekly "Modern Love" column, edited by Daniel Jones. Following the time-honored tradition of collecting worthy columns
and calling them a book, Mr. Jones does just that in "Modern Love: 50 True and Extraordinary Tales of Desire, Deceit, and Devotion" (Three Rivers Press). It's the kind of writing you'd expect from a great newspaper
and calling them a book, Mr. Jones does just that in "Modern Love: 50 True and Extraordinary Tales of Desire, Deceit, and Devotion" (Three Rivers Press). It's the kind of writing you'd expect from a great newspaper
Singledom in the 21st Century
Towers of sexy new date-and-mate books are piled on my desk. Year after year, I'm buried under the latest romance offerings until,
inevitably, they all start to sound exactly the same. "The Dating Race," by Stacy Kravetz. "Mr. Right, Right Now!" by E. Jean Carroll.
"Get Serious About Getting Married," by Janis Spindel.
And that's just the start. It's a case where supply meets demand. There are 86 million unmarried adults in the nation, according to the
U.S. Census Bureau. Men, 39 percent of whom are unmarried, range from twentysomethings not interested in settling down to divorced,
middle-aged fathers seeking a happy family for their brood. Women, 43 percent of whom are unmarried, range from those driven by
biological clocks to women in their 50s who, as Gloria Steinem once quipped, "forgot to get married." In the landscape of singledom, 51
million have never married, 21 million are divorced, and 14 million are widowed. There are so many singles in the workplace — the number
has soared 20 percent in the past 10 years — that some companies now require "love contracts" between co-workers in a relationship. The
contracts ensure that the relationships are consensual, so that one person cannot later claim sexual harassment and sue the company.
Singledom in the 21st century has spawned a vast industry catering to every need: dating boot camp and dating agents, plus online dating,
computer-match services, speed dating, small-group dinner dating and singles clubs for everything from sailing to cooking. "There are so
many choices that people are now confused," says Beth Anderson, founder of Cotton wood Connection, a Colorado singles company that offers
coaching, dating advice, professional videos, background checks and lots of activities seared to helping singles meet other singles.
Unfortunately, the last place most singles want to go is yet another "singles" event. "There's fear and trepidation." says Anderson. "Some
people have had their hearts broken. Some are shy. It's hard." Tough even for Anderson, a single woman who runs a singles company and
introduces people for a living. "It's still really hard. People are checking you out, and you have to go around meeting people, which is
hard for shy people who'd rather be
inevitably, they all start to sound exactly the same. "The Dating Race," by Stacy Kravetz. "Mr. Right, Right Now!" by E. Jean Carroll.
"Get Serious About Getting Married," by Janis Spindel.
And that's just the start. It's a case where supply meets demand. There are 86 million unmarried adults in the nation, according to the
U.S. Census Bureau. Men, 39 percent of whom are unmarried, range from twentysomethings not interested in settling down to divorced,
middle-aged fathers seeking a happy family for their brood. Women, 43 percent of whom are unmarried, range from those driven by
biological clocks to women in their 50s who, as Gloria Steinem once quipped, "forgot to get married." In the landscape of singledom, 51
million have never married, 21 million are divorced, and 14 million are widowed. There are so many singles in the workplace — the number
has soared 20 percent in the past 10 years — that some companies now require "love contracts" between co-workers in a relationship. The
contracts ensure that the relationships are consensual, so that one person cannot later claim sexual harassment and sue the company.
Singledom in the 21st century has spawned a vast industry catering to every need: dating boot camp and dating agents, plus online dating,
computer-match services, speed dating, small-group dinner dating and singles clubs for everything from sailing to cooking. "There are so
many choices that people are now confused," says Beth Anderson, founder of Cotton wood Connection, a Colorado singles company that offers
coaching, dating advice, professional videos, background checks and lots of activities seared to helping singles meet other singles.
Unfortunately, the last place most singles want to go is yet another "singles" event. "There's fear and trepidation." says Anderson. "Some
people have had their hearts broken. Some are shy. It's hard." Tough even for Anderson, a single woman who runs a singles company and
introduces people for a living. "It's still really hard. People are checking you out, and you have to go around meeting people, which is
hard for shy people who'd rather be
Formal Dating in La Crosse Curbed by Lack of Ready Cash
Dating in La Crosse today draws more crowds than couples. Safety in numbers may have its application in the dating habits of young people here. At least it protects the modern day seldom bulging wallet. Eating out on a weekend is traditional in this Mississippi Valley city of 50,000 but restaurateurs can number few of the college set among their clientele. "No one at La Crosse Slate University aspires to live on love. Tuition, room and board carry top priorities with expense accounts. That combination leaves precious little in the kitty and when the hank is busted, and it generally is, the indulgence is more likely to he for cigarettes or an inexpensive beer night out with the boys than a formal date with a pretty coed. Don't Have the Money Bui what the young eligihlcs of La Crosse lack in money they make up in ingenuity and improvisation with the occasional girl of their choice. Movies and dinner dales are bi-monthly affairs, if that frequent. "We just don't have the coins," is the familiar lament. Replacing the traditional dating hangouts are off-campus student apartments
regularly thrown open to dormitory dwellers for highly popular, informal parlies. Typically anywhere from three to seven couples will descend on "a friend's" apartment where they "drink some beer, talk a lot and dig good music." A generous amount of collegiates in La Crosse have access to these apartments which, according to those who live in them, can often be had for less than it costs to live in a dorm — "if you don't need the Ritz." Teen Bars Popular Other popular entertainment centers are the teen bars. But when these places are the objective for a festive evening more often than not friends part. Or rather don't get together until later in the night. The reason is the 50-cent to $1.25 cover charge which acts as the great deterrent to dating a girl and taking her to a beer bar. The accepted procedure is for both sexes to go slag in fairly large groups. Once safely inside, the process of pairing off is smoothly effected as live music and easy atmosphere lend encouragement. In their own words the coeds are quite aware of the stringent circumstances of their boy friends and both sexes enjoy the independence which goes along with paying one's own way into a bar. Dales Materialize Later Frequently two people will have an understanding of sorts that a dale, also of sorts, will materialize later in the evening. The agreement is far from written: "See you about 10 tonight" is the word. Any one of a half doxcn popular college hangouts may be designated. The idea is that "X" will go with a bunch of guys to the bar and "Y" will join a few girl friends with the two colliding sometime between 9 and 11 that evening. This type of en masse dating practiced by the college set in La Crosse is also popular with the area's high schoolers. It's called "hustling" at the dances. Adjourn (o Park The general procedure after a dance is lo adjourn to Granddad's Bluff Riverside Park or Castle Point on the Minnesota side of the river where the young people practice their craving for beautiful scenery with typical avidity. Dances are prime time for dating with proms and homecoming cherished occasions. Athletic events may also provide an opportunity for holding a blushing beauty's hand although these affairs usually turn out to be group nights. Movies also have a greater appeal to high schoolers who can usually better afford them than room and board-paying collegiates. Parental Advice Missing Most high schoolers are not old enough to qualify for the teen bars and fake identification cards "are not as available as we'd like," one junior admitted. Parental dating advice on the high school level typically expresses concern for the background of the boy or girl being dated. Such advice diminishes on the college level. A majority of the formal dating among college students in the La Crosse area is done within the fraternity-sorority social
circle. The "Greeks" number about 500 to 600 of the university's 6,000 student enrollment.. If a guy can dig up his frat dues in the fall he can look forward to four or five dress-up dinner dates during a typical year's agenda with a bagful of beer socials and dances an almost weekly happening at. one of the campuses' frat 'houses. Couple Dating Limited The consensus is that couple dating is generally limited to special occasions — a birthday or a homecoming. Even to qualify for bonafide date is exacting; ''i usually cut out cigarettes or lose my appetite for a week before," was how one senior described financing an infrequent date. Freshmen quickly become conditioned lo the dating habits of the more seasoned students. Barring an unlikely "catch" at initial fall dances the underclassmen and his frustration adjourn to the beer havens: "I can always tell a freshman at the bars," one senior coed remarked. "They're hungry for noise and action — it's in their eyes." Those anxious faces readily outnumber the upperclassmen in such 'haunts probably because freshmen cannot live off campus.
regularly thrown open to dormitory dwellers for highly popular, informal parlies. Typically anywhere from three to seven couples will descend on "a friend's" apartment where they "drink some beer, talk a lot and dig good music." A generous amount of collegiates in La Crosse have access to these apartments which, according to those who live in them, can often be had for less than it costs to live in a dorm — "if you don't need the Ritz." Teen Bars Popular Other popular entertainment centers are the teen bars. But when these places are the objective for a festive evening more often than not friends part. Or rather don't get together until later in the night. The reason is the 50-cent to $1.25 cover charge which acts as the great deterrent to dating a girl and taking her to a beer bar. The accepted procedure is for both sexes to go slag in fairly large groups. Once safely inside, the process of pairing off is smoothly effected as live music and easy atmosphere lend encouragement. In their own words the coeds are quite aware of the stringent circumstances of their boy friends and both sexes enjoy the independence which goes along with paying one's own way into a bar. Dales Materialize Later Frequently two people will have an understanding of sorts that a dale, also of sorts, will materialize later in the evening. The agreement is far from written: "See you about 10 tonight" is the word. Any one of a half doxcn popular college hangouts may be designated. The idea is that "X" will go with a bunch of guys to the bar and "Y" will join a few girl friends with the two colliding sometime between 9 and 11 that evening. This type of en masse dating practiced by the college set in La Crosse is also popular with the area's high schoolers. It's called "hustling" at the dances. Adjourn (o Park The general procedure after a dance is lo adjourn to Granddad's Bluff Riverside Park or Castle Point on the Minnesota side of the river where the young people practice their craving for beautiful scenery with typical avidity. Dances are prime time for dating with proms and homecoming cherished occasions. Athletic events may also provide an opportunity for holding a blushing beauty's hand although these affairs usually turn out to be group nights. Movies also have a greater appeal to high schoolers who can usually better afford them than room and board-paying collegiates. Parental Advice Missing Most high schoolers are not old enough to qualify for the teen bars and fake identification cards "are not as available as we'd like," one junior admitted. Parental dating advice on the high school level typically expresses concern for the background of the boy or girl being dated. Such advice diminishes on the college level. A majority of the formal dating among college students in the La Crosse area is done within the fraternity-sorority social
circle. The "Greeks" number about 500 to 600 of the university's 6,000 student enrollment.. If a guy can dig up his frat dues in the fall he can look forward to four or five dress-up dinner dates during a typical year's agenda with a bagful of beer socials and dances an almost weekly happening at. one of the campuses' frat 'houses. Couple Dating Limited The consensus is that couple dating is generally limited to special occasions — a birthday or a homecoming. Even to qualify for bonafide date is exacting; ''i usually cut out cigarettes or lose my appetite for a week before," was how one senior described financing an infrequent date. Freshmen quickly become conditioned lo the dating habits of the more seasoned students. Barring an unlikely "catch" at initial fall dances the underclassmen and his frustration adjourn to the beer havens: "I can always tell a freshman at the bars," one senior coed remarked. "They're hungry for noise and action — it's in their eyes." Those anxious faces readily outnumber the upperclassmen in such 'haunts probably because freshmen cannot live off campus.
Creating an Online Dating Profile: Tip #1
Tip #1: DON'T KILL THEM WITH ADJECTIVES
Sift through a dating site, and you'll find unending lists of adjectives: smart, kind, funny, adventurous, honest, caring... Why not just include uncreative, cliched and boring? Ditch the list Make your new mantra that old writing maxim: Show, don't tell. "Don't tell me you're athletic - tell me about the marathon you just ran," Eric Resnick, founder of profilehelper.com, said. Don't say you like to travel - talk about your trip to the Great Wall of China. Avoid the robot-filling-in-a-survey voice and go for a tone that's more natural and personal. I recommend something called "The Next-door Neighbor Test," which I would feel that almost everyone fails. "Read your profile and pretend it was written by your neighbor. If it looks like it could just as easily be his, then it's not a good profile," he said. It's also a good idea to survey the competition. Look at the profiles of other people in your demographic, and make sure you're different.
Sift through a dating site, and you'll find unending lists of adjectives: smart, kind, funny, adventurous, honest, caring... Why not just include uncreative, cliched and boring? Ditch the list Make your new mantra that old writing maxim: Show, don't tell. "Don't tell me you're athletic - tell me about the marathon you just ran," Eric Resnick, founder of profilehelper.com, said. Don't say you like to travel - talk about your trip to the Great Wall of China. Avoid the robot-filling-in-a-survey voice and go for a tone that's more natural and personal. I recommend something called "The Next-door Neighbor Test," which I would feel that almost everyone fails. "Read your profile and pretend it was written by your neighbor. If it looks like it could just as easily be his, then it's not a good profile," he said. It's also a good idea to survey the competition. Look at the profiles of other people in your demographic, and make sure you're different.
Monday, February 9, 2009
No fingers should be pulled on a first date, ever.
To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question; at least on a first date it is. First dates may just be the most painful experience a person has to live through, with a smile never the less. And not only do we have to live through it once or twice, but typically, many, many, many painful times — for those of us who don't possess the perfection of Julia Roberts or the cute butt of Benjamin Bratt that is. There are just too many things to think about on a first date. What do you wear? What do you talk about? Where do you go to eat? Do you compliment him on his too short, too plaid tie? And the end all be all, do you let your date kiss you at the end of the night or do the duck and weave? How is anyone supposed to relax with so much to contemplate? So, in an effort to help all you poor, plagued people who are about to embark on yet another first date, I am here to offer you "dating tips for dummies."
I am hardly an expert in any area, let alone dating. But I do think there are some simple rules that too many people just forget about on a date. While it's much easier for me to preach about what men don't do right on a first date, these tips apply to both guys and gals. First things first, remember what your momma
taught you. Chivalry may not be dead, but it is definitely missing in action. I'm not sure who it was that decided that women's lib meant you no longer needed to treat a lady like a lady, but that's a bunch of bull. Being an independent woman hardly means you don't want to be shown a little courtesy. So, guys, remember to open doors, pull out chairs and please, walk her to the door.
Next, is the topic of conversation. There are a million and two things to talk about on a first date, and yet, so many people pick the deadly three topics: bodily functions, exgirlfriends/boyfriends and me, me, me. Bodily functions are not an appropriate icebreaker. I know this is a bit gender biased, but guys you tend to be the offender here. No woman wants to know about the giant bowl of chili you ate
last night that is doing a number on your stomach today. No woman wants to hear about how you can belch the entire alphabet frontward and back. And no woman wants to be exposed to the phenomenon of your oh so original, "pull my finger" trick, especially on a first date. Talking about your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend is the kiss of death. While you are babbling on and on about what a horrible person he or she is, your date is probably wondering what kind of person stays with such a horrible person and why they are there with you tonight. And if they aren't, they are without a doubt extremely annoyed at the fact that you have called her Sue all night when her name is actually Jane. And what is possibly wor.se than all of the above is talking about nothing but yourself. Sure, it's important for the person to get to know you. And sure, you have probably conquered the world of computer programming faster than any undergraduate student in history; but it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to know about it. Ask your date about them, what they like to do, what they do for a living and let them ask you questions in return. It's kind of like a tennis match, the ball bounces from one court to the other...two bounces in one court forfeits your turn. First dates are painful; there is no changing that. It's been that way for i,ooo years and probably won't be getting any better any time soon. But, there are ways to make it easier; just use your head, a little common sense goes a long way.
I am hardly an expert in any area, let alone dating. But I do think there are some simple rules that too many people just forget about on a date. While it's much easier for me to preach about what men don't do right on a first date, these tips apply to both guys and gals. First things first, remember what your momma
taught you. Chivalry may not be dead, but it is definitely missing in action. I'm not sure who it was that decided that women's lib meant you no longer needed to treat a lady like a lady, but that's a bunch of bull. Being an independent woman hardly means you don't want to be shown a little courtesy. So, guys, remember to open doors, pull out chairs and please, walk her to the door.
Next, is the topic of conversation. There are a million and two things to talk about on a first date, and yet, so many people pick the deadly three topics: bodily functions, exgirlfriends/boyfriends and me, me, me. Bodily functions are not an appropriate icebreaker. I know this is a bit gender biased, but guys you tend to be the offender here. No woman wants to know about the giant bowl of chili you ate
last night that is doing a number on your stomach today. No woman wants to hear about how you can belch the entire alphabet frontward and back. And no woman wants to be exposed to the phenomenon of your oh so original, "pull my finger" trick, especially on a first date. Talking about your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend is the kiss of death. While you are babbling on and on about what a horrible person he or she is, your date is probably wondering what kind of person stays with such a horrible person and why they are there with you tonight. And if they aren't, they are without a doubt extremely annoyed at the fact that you have called her Sue all night when her name is actually Jane. And what is possibly wor.se than all of the above is talking about nothing but yourself. Sure, it's important for the person to get to know you. And sure, you have probably conquered the world of computer programming faster than any undergraduate student in history; but it doesn't matter if she doesn't want to know about it. Ask your date about them, what they like to do, what they do for a living and let them ask you questions in return. It's kind of like a tennis match, the ball bounces from one court to the other...two bounces in one court forfeits your turn. First dates are painful; there is no changing that. It's been that way for i,ooo years and probably won't be getting any better any time soon. But, there are ways to make it easier; just use your head, a little common sense goes a long way.
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